Posts

A Mother's Day letter to my late mother Anne

-
Image
Circa 1959: Anne with Tozz (the cat) and Katy (my older sister at about 18 months) My previous three posts relating to my mother (who died on April 26th) can be read  here ,  here  and  here . ✍ Dear Mum: I miss you and I am also glad you are no longer suffering the pain you experienced in the last few months of living. So many times every day since you have died I have wanted to tell you something — something you would have laughed at, commented on, wanted to know more about. Now, I think those thoughts and make up the conversation we would have had. Whether you were near me or far from me, you were always right there with me wanting to know about my latest workshop or newest piece of writing or Holly the cat’s current antics. You were interested in my life, a good listener, a constant support. I have been grateful for the words of condolence and comfort sent and said by family and friends, some of whom knew you first hand, some only through my words and stories of you, or through you
5 comments
Read more

A 10-point TO DO list for after my mother dies

-
Image
1. Feel the relief that comes with the peaceful end of my mother’s life. She was so ready, so grateful to have my sister and me here, so present during the close of her days. 2. Receive the messages that arrive as emails, phone calls, texts, FB comments, and in-person conversations. The reaching out by others is welcome, appreciated, invaluable. 3. Plan the celebration of her life. With chocolate cake and heartfelt words. 4. Enjoy the warmth and love present for Mum among those who attended the Celebration in person and in spirit. This ritual coming together to mourn and to celebrate our splendid mother is a marker on the way into the next months — important to organize, comforting to experience. 5. Speak freely of Mum every chance I have. She lives on in the stories I tell and the stories I hear. 6. Dive into packing up the things that surrounded her. They are just things without our splendid mother to animate them through her use of them. Even her clothes just hang, lifeless, m
6 comments
Read more

Anne Le Rougetel: my splendid mother

-
Image
April 2024: Anne and Amanda -- mother & daughter with but one nose between us (as it were) Formal notice Anne Le Rougetel died peacefully at home on Friday, April 26, 2024, with her daughters at her side. Born in 1928, Anne was a remarkable woman; a talented writer; an eclectic reader; well versed in world affairs; loving beyond measure to her children; kind and generous to friends; compassionate to those in need. She enjoyed reading a good book and engaging in interesting conversation. Due to failed vision and failing hearing, both these pursuits disappeared from her life in the final year or so. Please remember Anne by taking a friend to coffee and enjoying a delicious pastry. Anne was predeceased by her husband Colin. She is survived by her three children and their families: Katy (Guy). Amanda (Val). Charles (Lisa, Max and Sam). Special mention must be made of Barbara Chan, who was a generous friend and caring companion to Anne, and of Edna Abel, who was a loving friend and inte
14 comments
Read more

Listening for the piano / Thinking about grief

-
Image
Grief is not a land in which I have travelled much, though I routinely explore it via others’ experience. I am drawn to do this as a student is drawn to the masters: To observe, to sit with, to wonder if those others’ experiences might help prepare me for my own when I find myself in that place. Will it? Sara Paretsky, author of the V.I. Warshawski mystery series, says that the grief over her long-time husband’s death hit her like a grand piano falling out of the sky onto her head. There is no pre-mourning, she says. Nonetheless, I persist in my studies: Memoirs of loss. Stories of grief. Tales of survival. I sit with those experiences. The words, the feelings, the anguish wash over me. And I ask myself: Will the sun rise tomorrow? Will I see it when it does?  Should I worry about this? Should I just expect, presume that what has always been will always be? Absurd. It will not always be. The loves of my life are all older, are all old. 95, my mother. Almost 80, my partner. 16, my cat.
14 comments
Read more

When a spark leads to a story, even the writer can be surprised

-
Image
I have just finished a five-week 'Spark your Writing' session with a terrific group of writers who produce creative work 'sparked' each week by a word quote and image (painting or photo). It consistently amazes me what different stories we write from the same words or picture -- a personal essay, a prose poem, a creative nonfiction piece, a fictional story -- the options are limited only by the writer's imagination and desire to create. That is the beauty and power of creative response to what is in front of us.  In response to last week's sparks, I wrote a short fictional story that I share below. Its style is unusual for me and I had fun experimenting in this genre. I hope you enjoy it, and I'd love to hear what you think of it.   THE SPARK …I thought how private we have all become. How self-sufficient. Of course, we are all members of the community we live in. While in the past, they would have been cogs, wheels, brackets, levers, pulleys, each making the
6 comments
Read more

When the news of the world is too much, I listen to this music of the people

-
Image
...NEWS NEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWS NEWS NEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWS NEWS NEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWSNEWS NEWS... Patients discharged from Alberta hospitals to motels Panels flying off airplanes Cockpit controls tripped accidentally by the pilot’s elbow Tornadoes from Texas to Ohio Missiles landing in Ukraine A so-called election in Russia Relief ship heading to Gaza People dead from fire in an illegal Air B’nB in Montreal This was the list of top international headlines in a recent evening’s newscast, and I found it hard to believe the anchor wasn’t accidentally reading the script from an absurdist play. I wanted to cover my eyes and close my ears. How can the world be in this state? How can we bear the stupidity, the selfishness, the deceit and destruction? Sometimes I can’t bear it any longer, and that’s when I turn to music. I can shift my mood by turning away from the news and lea
5 comments
Read more

Letters from the future: What do I say to myself?

-
Image
Amanda age 60-something & Amanda age 20-something: Am I there yet? What am I doing and where am I going? These are not unreasonable questions to ask, as the earth keeps spinning and the days and months keep unfolding bringing all the tomorrows that we call the future. What will it look like? That’s a bigger question than I can answer. What will I be doing? While equally big, for me, it’s a question worth pondering and, as is my wont, writing about. Of course, putting words on the page as ideas and plans guarantees nothing; however, the words do give shape to — make concrete — the thoughts that float endlessly through my mind, landing nowhere and doing not necessarily very much for me. But the words on the page can be held in my hand and I can read them, review them anytime to remind me of what was important to me at one point in my past. And this re/viewing process allows me to assess today if those desires from the past still ring true for me — not a performance review, but a “d
4 comments
Read more