A Post a Day in May #21: Just say it

I have pledged to write a new post for this blog every day in May. 

Difficult things are hard to say. In times of great emotion, the words can stick in our throat and choke us. We cannot get them out, no matter how significant the feelings or how much we want to share them. It’s like there is a block between the heart, the mind and the mouth. 

But this past Friday was not like that. This past Friday, I had a monumental conversation with my mother. She had things she wanted to say, needed to say, so she called and said them. 

It was immensely moving and meaningful. A health scare was the impetus for my mother to speak and for me to respond. It was wonderful. 

Wonderful to hear the profession of love and appreciation for me and others in my mother’s central circle of family, friendship and care. Also it was admirable — admirable for Mum to speak the words so deep in her heart, admirable for her to overcome the fear of the health scare and to voice to her feelings in that moment. And, finally, it was kind and generous and immensely loving. 

However, if there is no health scare to spark your voice, then I think, maybe, you can look for guidance to Armand Gamache, the protagonist in Louise Penny’s best selling novels about the village of Three Pines in Quebec. Penny says she modelled Gamache on her late husband Michael. He must have been quite a man, as Gamache is in the pages of her books. 

In conversation with a younger colleague, Gamache says “there are four things that lead to wisdom…They are four sentences we learn to say, and mean… ‘I don’t know. I need help. I’m sorry. I was wrong.’” 

I think those are four very fine sentences to prime the pump of your emotions. And even if none of those four sentences applies in any particular instance, I think their model of simplicity and authenticity can serve as a way forward through difficult emotions: “I love you.” “I don’t want you to go.” “I need to leave.” etc. 

Know it first. Then, just say it. The rest will follow, if only you have the courage to start.

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