Talking books and asking questions

The other day, I witnessed an exchange between two people in a public place that was, at best, a misunderstanding by the one, and, at worst, a deliberate act of sabotage by the other. It was not pretty and it did not end happily for either party. I could not find an opening to intervene, such was the anger on the one side and the fluster on the other, so I completed my business and left. 

However, the feelings it churned within me have lingered. I was embarrassed for both people, and not a little distressed at how quickly the situation escalated when, with less emotional anxiety and more personal confidence on both sides, it likely would not have happened in the first place. 

This got me thinking about how difficult it can be to communicate with each other these days. So many conversations are no more than volleys back and forth of statements that stake a position without concern for understanding by either party. God forbid that we should stop, take a breath, and ask a question! 

But do we not learn best by asking questions of each other? Obviously, our questions must be without guile or ulterior motive; they must be neither contrived nor cruel. And we must be prepared to be told, "No: I won't answer that.” But when we get a simple and reasonable request for information in the form of a question, are we then not best able to meet that simplicity with reciprocal straightforwardness? If we can, the interaction can improve understanding, each of the other and of difference in this world.

The Human Library initiative addresses this head on: Individuals participate as an open “book” that “readers” can borrow for a live 30-minute conversation. “Ask me anything,” is the standard opening after a brief introduction to the topic. I’m sure there have been moments of egregious abuse of the “book’s” vulnerable generosity, but I am equally sure that the moments of enlightenment and awakening for “readers” must surely far outweigh them. 

Questions come more easily to us when young. For example, children are much more willing than adults to point to the birthmark on my right cheek and ask, “What’s that?” Their pure curiosity makes it easy for me to answer their innocent question with the simple information they want. They ask, I answer, the exchange is done. We both move on.

The older we get, the more baggage we bring to our interactions with each other. That incident of the other day seemed laden with assumptions by both parties, and those assumptions made genuine communication impossible. Ignorance is, I think, often the genesis of our assumptions. Lack of knowledge or understanding can make us bold, but in all the wrong ways. We assume rather than ask. Asking questions takes both genuine curiosity and practiced skill. 

With its creative offering of “talking books”, the Human Library provides its readers the opportunity to practice asking questions that help them learn about a wide range of topics and, thus, to learn about the many and varied people in this world. 

Learn more about the Human Library (created by two Danish brothers in 2000) in this episode of People Fixing the World, from the BBC’s World Service.

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Land acknowledgement: I respectfully recognize that I live on the original lands of Anishinaabe, Cree, Oji-Cree, Dakota and Dene peoples, and on the homeland of the Métis Nation.

Photo by Michaela Filipcikova on Unsplash