Happiness is not the goal
A Post a Day in May 27/31
Happiness is a tough emotion. While it sounds light and easy, happiness can be elusive and challenging. Many put it on their list of things to have, to find, but I think this is the wrong approach. Happiness is not something that can be ‘got’; rather, it is a byproduct of other things.
So from what else, or where else, can happiness spring?
Apparently, the Roman Stoic philosophers, among them Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelias, believed there are three secrets to happiness: 1. Control how you think. 2. Train your mind. 3. Accept what happens: We are minuscule specks in the grand universe, so maintain perspective and move along. From a cursory look into this line of philosophy, I gather that fun and levity do not feature significantly. Stoicism has its place in our world, I’m sure, but I feel it is only a very distant relation of happiness.
I think what I believe is that work — good work, challenging work, hard work — is what lays the groundwork for happiness. And by work what I mean is the act of achieving something that is wanted or needed by oneself or by someone else — that feeling of satisfaction and contentment of having done it, that begets a feeling of happiness, surely. As does the physical work of creating something that is beautiful or useful and which is appreciated. Equally so, the emotional or intellectual satisfaction of a thorny problem solved or an enlightening conversation enjoyed.
I know for sure that the pleasure of an ice cream cone is just that: pleasure; it is not happiness. So, too, that glass of wine or that stunning new jacket: pleasure in the moment of imbibing or of wearing, but happiness comes, surely, from a deeper well of emotion.
I have experienced pure happiness at least once: the day Val and I got married. The weather was hot and humid and the context a bit fraught due to Val’s earlier diagnosis of a cancer recurrence; nonetheless, the day was pure joy — a very small gathering of intimate friends, in our (non-air-conditioned) house, officiated by a long-time friend. No stress, no strife, just an abiding sense of so much support and so much love coming together for such a good reason. A deep well of emotion, yes, and also ‘work’ in the sense that good relationships endure because they are tended and considered and nurtured with the effort and intent of those involved — work of the heart, if you will.
It is also true, I think, that happiness comes in different shades and strengths. A wedding day’s happiness is extraordinary, exceptional, while the happiness from a garden well weeded after a full day’s effort is, one hopes, a bit more ordinary, more usual. We may not start the task with happiness in our heart, but the work of the task creates happiness as byproduct within us.
In any shade or strength, happiness is a delight. Those of us who have the margin in our daily life to hope for, and to work for, happiness are fortunate indeed.
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Land acknowledgement: I respectfully recognize that I live on the original lands of Anishinaabe, Cree, Oji-Cree, Dakota and Dene peoples, and on the homeland of the Métis Nation.
Photo by Mike Erskine on Unsplash
You have commented on the sources of happiness really well. When you talk about work as a source, I think that accords with the absorption of meditation because one can be utterly absorbed in the task at hand. It is not how people typically talk about happiness even tho they may experience this relationship. When you talk about weeding the garden, again, concentration enters into it as well as the pleasure of the result of the effort. What you have written about the day of our wedding, speaks for itself! We were just enveloped in the love and happiness of ourselves and our friends. Thank you for writing...Love, Val
ReplyDeleteHappiness as a byproduct of being/feeling useful and doing what we love and spending time with people we love. This makes good sense, thanks Amanda.
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