Talking to strangers I

A Post a Day in May 16/31

Covid put the kibosh on one of my favourite social activities: chatting with random strangers met in my travels through the day. These days, I do my errands with focus, intent and purpose, none of which includes spontaneous chatting with those who cross my path. Covid has robbed me of this pleasure, because of the masks, the social distancing, and my continued fear of contagion.

Back in the Before Times, I felt no such constraints.

One day, while wandering through a store, I found the perfect tote — bright colour, capacious, well priced — and I was excited when I was paying for it. I shared my enthusiasm for my new purchase by telling the cashier all about just how perfect the tote was for me. She was not particularly interested and my friend nudged me, saying, "Too much information, Amanda. Not necessary." I quickly shut up.

So, sometimes, the aimless chatting proves over the top; TMI; ok, fair point. But that isn't always the case, of course.

When I was working, I routinely took the bus to and from the office or the college. Over time, I came to recognize my fellow travellers and would occasionally chat with whoever was my seat mate. One of them became a friend, when I saw her at a symphony concert and realized that we had way more in common than just a bus route's worth of exchanges. Our chatting on the bus had painted a number of dots, if you will, and our encounter at the symphony enabled us to connect them in a line that has turned into friendship.

Talking to strangers can be good for us. Indeed, research proves it is. 

Joe Keohane, wrote The Power of Strangers: The benefits of connecting in a suspicious world, to explain not only why we should do it, but how to do it productively:

• It can boost your mental performance because it is cognitively demanding and tiring, and can be stressful. In other words, it’s a workout for your mind. 
• It’s a form of hospitality, because the best encounters are a give and take between the parties, a form of sharing. When, during Covid, Keohane stopped talking to strangers, he discovered that his life was less interesting, less surprising and more lonely. 
• Pre-frame your opening comment, so the stranger knows your intent is honourable. This is crucial, I would say, if the context is not the obvious reason for your comment. For example, in the grocery store, if you and the stranger are both looking over the cereal selection, then your intent is obvious, when you say, “Good grief, how am I supposed to choose from all of these options?” However, if you’re on the bus and want to comment on kid in front of you who is wearing a cute hat, it’s best to say, “Hey, I know you’re not supposed to talk to strangers, but I just have to tell you that your hat is awesome!” The ‘pre-frame’ establishes that you’re not trying to pull one over on the youngster. 

When I attended a convention for readers and writers of mysteries several years ago, I learned how to ask anyone next to me, “Are you a reader or a writer?” That was guaranteed to start a conversation, while we were in line or waiting for the panel to begin. I am extroverted enough to enjoy the delight of the unexpected that can evolve out of such chance encounters. But not everyone is naturally so inclined. Take heart, talking to strangers is a skill that can be learned. 

To be continued…

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Land acknowledgement: I respectfully recognize that I live on the original lands of Anishinaabe, Cree, Oji-Cree, Dakota and Dene peoples, and on the homeland of the Métis Nation.