The magnificence of a friend

Tuesday, July 26, 2022

It takes a lot to get through this life, but, if we’re lucky, we don’t have to face the ups and downs and roundabouts on our own. If we’re lucky, we have a few good friends with whom to face the challenges and, also, to share the joys.

Mendel Schnitzer was one such friend to me: there in the tough times and willing, so willing to share in the fun of life, too. He would have been 74 years old today, if kidney disease hadn’t felled him five years ago. I mourn him to this day. But in mourning him,

• I acknowledge his generosity in so much: his time (he was never too busy to do a favour), his skills (more than once, he helped us with plumbing issues at the cottage or the house), his resources (Need a tool? Mendel had it.).
• I give thanks for his sound advice in the early days of my freelance writing & editing business: “Don’t nickel & dime your clients to death. Know your value. Set your rates. Deliver good work.” It’s advice I follow to this day.
• I celebrate his authenticity: He spoke his mind and was always open to me speaking mine. Once, at a tough time during his ongoing illness, I made him a card onto which I had collaged a trio of oft-spoken swear words: “Sh*t. B*gger. F*ck.” There truly was nothing else to say, given what he was facing. He loved the card.
• I glory in the fun we had together: attending symphony concerts; visiting at the cottage; discussing politics; attending a book launch or arts event; or simply sharing a meal.

The saying ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’ describes those friends who leap in to help us through difficult times. Whether it’s big trouble or small, it’s easier to face it with someone by our side who has our back. Equally true is that fun is more enjoyable with someone by our side who wants to play as hard we do. If a trouble shared is a trouble halved, then I would argue that fun shared is fun doubled. And with Mendel, fun was more like exponential-ed.

Having friends is not a given in this life, so when we find them, it is our responsibility — and good fortune — to nurture the friendship with love and care and with fun, too, so the roots go deep and can withstand the fiercest tug of trouble.

I am lucky indeed, for I have many friends from every corner of my life. Today, on what, in my world, will always be Mendel’s birthday, I tell the story of our particular friendship as a song of praise to the value and the wonder that we can bring each other when we say, Let’s be friends.

I have written this with the blessing of Deborah Schnitzer, who was married to Mendel for almost 50 years. Deborah and I now have our own fun together, in the writing workshops we deliver.

———
Land acknowledgement: I respectfully recognize that I live on the original lands of Anishinaabe, Cree, Oji-Cree, Dakota and Dene peoples, and on the homeland of the Métis Nation.