The start of something

Beginnings are exciting, though we don’t always know that that ‘first’ of whatever it is — that start — will evolve into something more: the beginning of…well, the beginning of whatever it is that continues on.

So it was with my relationship with Val. Introduced by our mutual friend, Randa, I was immediately drawn to Val’s energy and spirit of adventure (she had been leading women on wilderness canoe trips for several years) — and her fiercely Scandinavian-red hair (see photo, from 1997). Among other things, I also liked her politics and her sense of humour.

We were both encumbered by existing primary relationships, but that fact did not dampen the sparks that flew between us. Over the next few months, the realization dawned on me that the very unknown properties of a relationship with Val were more appealing to me than the very known parameters of my existing situation. But how to move? How to change?

Then Val wrote me a letter professing her love and commitment, and I saw the future take shape: Walk into it with a woman who could articulate her thoughts and feelings eloquently — on paper, in longhand, with a fountain pen no less — and, no matter what else might happen, that walk together would be grounded in both action and words. This was important to me, as I had experienced relationships with action but no ability for words.

Beginnings are exciting precisely because they herald the unknown, endless possibilities, who knows what! Anniversaries a few decades in the making tell the tale of what has transpired since that beginning, what has become of it. When it is more calm than thrill, it is this very difference from the early days that is worthy of celebration, for it means the lovers have lived through much, yet their hearts beat in time, in testimony to a love rooted in — even despite — the experience with, and of, each other.

This year, Val and I mark 29 years together, nine of them legally married. Not every relationship is built for longevity, but when the beginning evolves into something enduring over the years, then that start is something worth celebrating: in action — slower now, more reminiscing about than planning for; and in words — burnished with the deep knowing of each other.

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Land acknowledgement: I respectfully recognize that I live on the original lands of Anishinaabe, Cree, Oji-Cree, Dakota and Dene peoples, and on the homeland of the Métis Nation.