Pain and drugs: Staying on the right side of the wrong line
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| Lines and dots: drawing them, connecting them. That is life. |
I have wondered recently about where the line is between X and Y, between this and that. How do we know when we have reached that line? Truth is, it’s often only when we have crossed it that we realize we should have stayed much more safely on that other side.
I have also recently suggested that connecting the dots that represent actions and decisions — large and small, ours and others’ — can help shape our understanding of how to live well in this world of ours.
Today’s post invites you into my life this past week, when I experienced some pain (a dot) that I connected to the pain of others (a line drawn). I didn’t cross any lines this time round, though I did as a young adult (see "Powered Luck" below); happily, I lived to tell that tale and that good fortune came flooding back to me these past seven days.
Sunday: I watched an interview with Gordon Lownds, who had recently published the story of his drug addiction and recovery. While his descent into drugs was swift, his recovery took a long time. I wanted to know more of his story, so I bought the e-book and started reading it immediately.
Monday: Over the course of the day, I developed a sore on the right side of my tongue. Damn, I thought. I hate mouth cankers, because they make two of my favourite things (talking and eating) painful, and swallowing takes a conscious effort to push past the discomfort.
Tuesday: I woke up to that canker feeling like it had taken over my entire mouth. Sore and painful had become unbearable and pervasive. I slunk through the day feeling sorry for myself and wondering if it was more than a mouth canker — maybe it was oral cancer! Maybe this was going to take me out!! What could I do about it???? At some point I realized that a bit of research was in order and, indeed, an easy Google search pulled me back from the brink: Tylenol and a saltwater rinse helped ease the pain. Phew. Maybe I wasn’t going to die, after all.
Wednesday: I woke up feeling considerably better. With both the canker reduced and my mind sharper, I got on with my day.
Thursday: Early morning radio had me listening to a BBC documentary about drug use in North Carolina and Nevada, which included stories about people who had become addicted to opioids after being prescribed them for pain following surgery or an accident. Drug addiction can befall anyone vulnerable to pain of one kind or another. I knew this, of course. We all do, don’t we? There but for the grace of God, etc. I didn’t need to listen to that documentary or (last year) watch the miniseries Painkiller (about big pharma Purdue inventing Oxycontin) or (many years ago) read Joe Sacco & Christopher Hedges' Days of Destruction, Days of Revolt (about living in poverty in various regions of the US) to know this. But listening, watching and reading reminds me how fortunate I am that the one time I snorted cocaine up a one hundred dollar bill, when I was about 20, I ended up in my own bed and not halfway down a path of addiction. Today, those who think they’ll try it (whatever it is) ‘just this once’ as an experiment can too often find themselves so far gone, so fast, that they can’t find their way back — easily or ever. That is Gordon Lownds’ story, though he persevered to a happy end.
Sunday: I awoke with a headache and a general feeling of malaise that dogged me all day. A short brisk walk in the wind helped clear my head a bit, but the essential malaise remained through the evening.
Monday: After a good night’s sleep, I got up feeling totally like myself again. I had not needed serious drugs of any kind to help sort me out. A simple night of decent sleep turned me round to good again.
I am fortunate, indeed. Too many have a much longer, harder, more painful path to tread than I to get from wretched to well again.
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Land acknowledgement: I respectfully recognize that I live on the original lands of Anishinaabe, Cree, Oji-Cree, Dakota and Dene peoples, and on the homeland of the Métis Nation.
The opioid issue here is godawful, especially with some of our most vulnerable. You have know idea how much I hate Purdue.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank goodness marijuana is legal in NYS. These gummies have made my life bearable. Half of one in the morning and the other half at bedtime and my arthritic pain is nil these days.
Never tried cocaine, never will. And good for you although I’m wondering how you got home to bed that night!
PS: Three doctors in three days encouraged me to try pot where all else was failing to control my pain. I’m forever grateful, especially to my internist who told me exactly where to go and how to manage these gummies. Thank you Drs Baratz and Everett, and that adorable Dr Rogerson who told us also about her wife and children.
Oh yes! Fate, luck? born under the right star?? who knows, I know the why doesn't matter the how doesn''t matter. The I am still here so I can continue to walk in sobriety? Matters. Thank you for connecting the dots.
ReplyDeleteA little shared hint: I found years ago that dipping a q-tip in peroxide and dabbing it on a tongue canker once or twice in a few hours will knock it out quickly.
ReplyDeleteI love learning little helpful tips like this.
This was timely, I've been in pain for over two months, today is a bad day. I do have an opioid prescription but I'm hesitant to use it except on the most pain filled days, I don't know if I've reached that point yet. I do know I'm so tired of hurting.
ReplyDelete