Where do the memories live?

About a month ago, memories of my father listening to music came flooding back to me. They were triggered by having had delivered to our house the sound system on which Dad would play his CDs. (It had been taking up room in Mum’s suite and she was happy to gain the space by sending it along to us.) Dad loved classical music, often playing Bach, Vivaldi or Mozart at a volume the rest of us did not necessarily appreciate. But he persisted and he enjoyed every note.

In among the boxes was also a pottery container with a wooden lid. This item brought to mind memories of my mother cooking. Mum used it to hold salt and it always sat on the counter beside the stove: She would flip open the lid, dip in with her fingers and add the pinch or two of salt to whatever she was making. While I’m not sure that Mum loved cooking as much as Dad loved listening to music, she was a wonderful cook and prepared countless delicious meals that her family and friends enjoyed with good conversation around the table. Over the years, our family lived in many different houses in several different countries, and that pottery container of salt always found its home beside the stove in whatever kitchen Mum was cooking in. And now it sits on my counter. Seeing it there reminds me of Mum cooking, yes, but more importantly, it brings to mind the sense of belonging I had around the table on which were served the meals. Even if I never fill the container with salt, the memories the box elicits will earn it its place on my counter for years to come.

And so it is with good memories held by objects we are lucky enough to have in our possession. I have written about the value and power of family photographs that capture a specific moment in time. But an object like Mum’s salt box or like my grand-mother’s silver propeller pencil, calling card case, and little decorative glass jar capture not a specific moment but, rather, hold the core essence of the person. Mum, still very much alive, is hospitable and generous, a great conversationalist and an exceptional listener. Granny was an artist who loved beautiful things and her home was filled with them; every time I open the drawer in which I keep those (tarnished) silver objects, memories of Granny surface in my mind. She was fierce and I think I was a bit frightened of her exacting standards, but the keepsakes I chose of her remind me of the way she moved in the world and how she adorned her space with lovely things.

Not all our memories can be happy ones, of course; we are human, and we and our loved ones have foibles — or worse. But the good memories are precious and, I think, it’s important to hold onto a memento or two that bring those good memories to mind when we see or touch them. For me, this means having the odd item that is small and beautiful or the exceptional item that serves an everyday purpose while also sparking memories. I feel fortunate to have a combination of such memory-holders in my home, for they tie my heart and my mind to times gone by and to loved ones, some of whom are long gone. So, if you ask me where do the memories live, I will answer: They live in our heart and in our mind. 

Of course, there are more scientific explanations about how memories are made and what causes us to retrieve them, so I invite you to head down any of the rabbit-hole links below to explore those theories. But if you're looking for me, I'll be in the front room, listening to music on Dad's sound system. 

• How memories are formed from the Queensland Brain Institute
• The brain circuit that forms memory from MIT
• How the brain stores memories from FAU and the University of Birmingham
• How do we remember things? from Interesting Engineering
• Why smells trigger vivid memories from Discovery

.....................................................................................................................

To receive my weekly blogpost in your inbox, email fiveyearsawriter at gmail dot com. Simply put SUBSCRIBE in the subject line. 

Land acknowledgement: I respectfully recognize that I live on the original lands of Anishinaabe, Cree, Oji-Cree, Dakota and Dene peoples, and on the homeland of the Métis Nation.